He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
