I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
