1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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