Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
