I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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