I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
