I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
