i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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