i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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