Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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