You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
