I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
