I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is the high leading the old right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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