Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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