Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
