i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
