i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
