she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
