He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
