she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
