i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
