I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
