i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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