drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Randomize
