No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My hand turned me down
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
