Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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