I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
