i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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