There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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