The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
