Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
