P.S. I can't hear my feet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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