You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
