Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
