Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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