She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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