yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
