Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
