she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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