Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
