There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
