Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
