Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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