So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my shit smells like andre
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How does it feel to date your dad?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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