She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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