She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
