this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
