if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
