I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
