The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
