The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
