operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
