Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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