Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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